Older Woman

".....in my case, i'm the only one left so for the last few months, i've been preparing my animation demo reel all by myself in a small classroom. occasionally there'd been some company but the people who are with me are usually students from another batch / course and i hardly get to know or talk to most of them. some companies can sometimes be a hassle however. there's this taiwanese divorcee who always had a endless amount of neccesary and unneccesary questions to ask me bout doing 3D and incidents like this tend to be more of a distraction than any help at all. i need to concentrate and focus hard and yes talk is good but not when i'm in the crucial stages of completing my studies. ironically these days, i kinda miss having her around as i'm back in class, working all alone for the last few weeks..."

- from tonight is another single night..... blog post (April 28, Saturday, 2007)


Sentences like this could just be read off as another 'ordinary day' ramblings of a young man who's experiencing a certain stage of his life. But more than often, what's in between is missed and there's so much more behind the words themselves.

Especially the last sentence of the above mentioned paragraph.

____________________________________

It's the first half of the year 2007, in between January and April when it all came about. Having suffer a major setback during school term at a private school (on computer graphic subjects), I was given grace to come back once more to repeat my specialization term.

Classroom is a small space, enough to fit in about 8 students or so with dull office lighting and gladly, a window. The first few days, I had my work done at the general office but it's quite a comfort to move away from there since I don't have to be concerned about the presence of my lecturers.

I could not recall how long it was or how it happen. But she was there. It's just casual exchange on first meeting... I can't remember much of what was spoken.

But I might have remember her name.

Natalie.

Natalie wasn't much of a beauty. Nevertheless, she's pleasant looking enough. The most attractive features of her physical made up is her big, round eyes and long, black hair. Other than that, she doesn't have a figure to speak of but still..... it's good enough.

She's a Taiwanese who happens to be a divorcee and a mother of one.

My days spent in classroom with Natalie is mostly ordinary. Nothing special ever happen. We do talk about things, usually stuffs about computer graphic issues and the mundane bits of life. One time, however, she'd shared about a trip she had in China and the toilets there and the people who are using. For the remainder of the day, we attended to our own work, without communication for several minutes.

Minutes because in between she would interrupt and seek my help for some problem she had with her work or the software program. The first few times are bearable. After that, it gets annoying.

However, even as I was wishing for a moment of peace and quiet, feelings within me began to grow. I started to experience mild sexual attractions towards Natalie.

From then on, stepping into the classroom became a challenge. There are moments when sitting around for just less than an hour cause some intense uneasiness. The urges are groaning deep within. And so are temptations.

Without much choice, every time Natalie is around, I stepped out of the room. Wander around the retail / office building where my school is located. Took a trip to the arcade. Anything before I stray off path.

It's not easy during those months. Loneliness is a constant companion. Boredom easily settles in. There's not much that can be done except the work I had to finished before deadline. Other than that, nothing seems to matter. At least from where I was.

We talked a lot lesser ever since. When she slowly stopped coming to school, I gradually missed her a little.

I soldiered on my assignments. Nothing of much significance had done enough to burden my progress. Life goes on.

But these memories, however trivial, continues to highlight an ongoing issue. I have like, too many a girl and though I may have never really like Natalie, my time with her is somewhat interesting. Maybe it's because she's older than me, among the few reasons. Perhaps in her 30s.

Then again, she might just be another passing image..... a fragment reflecting a part of the Invisible Girl.

The one I'm still looking for until now.....