Entering Ghost Mode Part 2

Sniper. U2-pilot. Lone Soldier. Quiet animator.

Names of solo occupations. The last one has the most familiar sense.

Death. Unattachment. Lifetime singlehood. Difference.

Terms and themes of loneliness.

After weeks of self evaluation, I had finally concluded that no one is to blame. No one.

But myself.

I may be hiding all along, who knows. I might even try to deny it though the symptoms are starting to show.

By the most genuine of personal nature, I'm a loner.

Really? Yet why should you be surprised?

A handful of you know it. You just could not say it, afraid you might break my heart.

You should. For now, I have already accepted who and what I am. No longer, do I have a more valid reason to try so hard, getting through to people.

You could not strike any real talk with me and unable to explain why.

Feel it, yes, you will.

You don't seem interested in knowing me, checking out my week. You don't have to. Just to prolong the pretense. I'm guilty of it as well.

The truth is.... I might have glorify personal enigma. Secretly content with this private status of identity. A dweller with no nation. An iconoclast who don't follow the crowd.

Disconnection from even familiar folks.

I'm a loner, different from the rest of the world. Strangely, a loner also different from the rest of the loners.

I learn to live with solitude, not without an ironic craving for human contact. Time will prove me a survivor by myself but humanity demands my co-dependence on man.

Therefore, what more to do, while still believing in continual social engagement, a moment alone may not be such a bad thing .....after all.

P.s:
I hope what I had written above does not pass off as suicide notes or murderous intents to you. With the recent incident in NTU, loners can be unfairly pass off as psychopaths. Of course, that's a failure to understand that no two loners are ever alike.

Lastly, to those friends who actually have been concerned about me (you know who you are), thanks for the support and encouragement. I do not want live my life in fear and if there's one thing you can help, pray I will overcome .....eventually.